Best Text Posts

orbitalyear-deactivated20230513:

oh my god im going fucking crazy *continues to live exactly the same*

missilekids:

missilekids:

missilekids:

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

Do you need something.

before this starts getting notes i have to add that this is not my dog. i dont know how he got in my backyard

xenodogz:

xenodogz:

xenodogz:

in junior year of highschool my art teacher would let our ceramics class play music of our choice off of her desktop. we usually used spotify or youtube but she did have one album downloaded on her computer. it was a halloween sound effects/ambience collection. i dont remember why she had it. there was a track on there called “burning screams” which was exactly what it sounds like. just a cacophony of screams alongside crackling fire. she only let us play it on very special occasions, and we would cheer and jump with joy every time. it was like a pizza party to us

please imagine 6 teenagers with giant sad puppy eyes looking at a dear sweet 50 something year old art teacher and asking “may we please hear burning screams”

i dont know where burning screams came from. ive looked. its lost media to me. burning screams is my white whale

romcommunist:

beautiful women named “battery power 15%” keep messaging me on my phone

tatzelwurming:

i want the gentle eyes, funny laugh, and immense bite strength of a hyena

interruptingkau:

Ebay listing pictures remain an untapped well of fantastic images

sandersstudies:

Pros of having a brain that makes very fast associations: Good comebacks and jokes.

Cons of having a brain that makes very fast associations: that story about how you broke your foot reminded me of a fun fact about lizards.

cryptotheism:

She let me hit it because I solved her riddles three

lakevida:

[so caffeinated my ears are ringing at harmonic frequencies known only to insects and elevator ghosts] i think i hauve premonitions

cornsnoot:

cornsnoot:

cornsnoot:

laptop husbandry tip: the fans spinning up just means its EXCITED, not DISTRESSED. this is a COMMON MISCONCEPTION and it does not need to go to the vet

my boy is so excited

my boy is so healthy and h appy

loverbear-butch:

i’m both dumber and smarter than you think so don’t underestimate me because i’m actually smart about a lot of stuff but also don’t be surprised if i’m dumb about some other stuff hope that helps

plaguedocboi:

plaguedocboi:

theboboshow:

plaguedocboi:

We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

Can’t wait for OP to get scurvy

Are you under the impression that the ships themselves are what caused scurvy

Once again. Do you think this is the fault of the ships themselves

hollowboobtheory:

unironically people need to learn to say “they haven’t done anything wrong i just find them annoying”

poetrylesbian:

they should make a pill that makes people in their 20s feel good about where their lives are going

lakevida:

just give me 20 to 40 minutes to think on it and i can come up with the most passably human sentences you’ve ever heard so help me god